We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
