Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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