she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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