She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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