when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
