That's intense
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
