Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
