If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Randomize
