Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How's work?
Spinning.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
