If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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