If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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