it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
