would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
