Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
