I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
