since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
