i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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