Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
