You really coming over, don't trick.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
only if we run a train.
done.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
