my mouth tastes like poor choices
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
