the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
