What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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