Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
