we're blogging at a bar
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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