so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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