I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
