This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
