I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
