When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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