goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
