How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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