Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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