Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
