One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
