yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
