Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
