My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
