All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think your dad took our porno
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
