i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
