First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
