The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
