Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
