You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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