How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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