her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
