In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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