they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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