i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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