I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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