Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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